Adolescent children, while adamant about their knowledge to make their own decisions, often lack the wisdom and experience to be successful. While they reject parental guidance, there is ample evidence to suggest that they need frequent small dosages of truth. As an adult, we have come to realize that truth is scarce yet necessary in living healthy lives. Values and truth are transmitted through relationships. If parents will work to develop positive relationships with their adolescent children, they will make a dramatic impact in their children’s lives! It’s not that adolescence are against truth or authority, it’s how it’s presented to them.

Parents will want to take more time to analyze how they present values to their children. Most adolescence see themselves as inadequate because of the dozens of demeaning statements they receive from others, as well as their own active inner critic. Adolescence need to know what will serve them all of their lives, and that adolescence is a brief time compared to their entire adult lives. Adolescence can learn from adults and can be, and will be, open to adults if they will follow these eight principles.

1. Share with your adolescent the possible generational conflicts and differences that most parents and kids encounter. (i.e. Kids usually have less fears and will want to go further away from home and stay out

later than parents are comfortable with. Simple messages like “I need you home on or about ___pm; call me if it appears you are going to be late.” This limits potential misunderstandings and legitimate fears. Certainly knowing who they are with, and where they are help alleviate parents’ fears.

2. When you take care of respect in your home by demonstrating high regard and consideration for one another, everything else seems to take care of itself. It’s one of the most important values in building

relationships with your teen. Demonstrate the same kind of respect toward your child as you have during the preadolescent years. In order to receive respect, you have to give respect. Seldom if ever do adolescence improve without a model.

3. If at all possible involve Dad in more decision making opportunities. Dads need to take a more proactive roll during the adolescent years allowing moms to develop a new role with their children. Boy’s resist being mothered in the same ways they were for the first 10 years of their lives. The key here is to prevent the adversarial relationships that often occur by not making the necessary changes adolescence require. Adolescence can handle NO’s if they’re based on adults’ realistic fears and parental love — mostly love!

4. Adolescence often don’t see that it’s to their advantage to have a positive relationship with their parents over the years, especially since adolescence can be such a selfish time in ones life. Help adolescence see that when they demonstrate personal responsibility you will reciprocate by allocating more freedoms.

This way they’ll also see the important connection between responsibility and freedom. Our kids always will need the truth and advice in their daily challenges. It’s important to let them know that we will always be there for them. Our kids need to know that we will always be in their balcony cheering them on as their #1 supporter.

5. Recognize the growing need of an adolescent child to be independent at the same time needing moral and physical boundaries that are realistic and necessary. Adolescence need limit setting and problem

solving strategies that include feelings. They desperately need parents who will listen to what they are expressing, as well as what their body language is projecting. Frequent words like “Help me understand.” “What do you think would work?” “Where do you think you’ll start?” and standing with them on the sidelines, hugs that challenge each other to see who will be the first to let go, high fives, are just a few of the essential things that we can do as parents.

6. Adolescence are going through one of the biggest changes their physical bodies encounter. Not since they were 2 has there been such a dramatic change. Through all the changes, adolescence need assurance and affirmations that they are uniquely woven together as an unrepealable miracle, and that they have a special place in the family. If you have enjoyed a great relationship in the years prior to adolescence, you can be assured it can last throughout the adolescent period. (Did you notice I wasn’t optimistic enough to state their entire adolescence period!) Be patient with your adolescent. Like the sign posted for cars passing by, we can profit from the same advice. “Slow down, kids are learning how to

live.”

7. Self-disclosure can be your most powerful tool in building a healthy relationship during the adolescent years. If your expectations were unrealistic, let your child know that they were unrealistic and fell short of what you’re capable of doing as a parent.. If you used poor judgment, let your child know you made a mistake, etc. If you really want to take a risk, you can even share some of your own struggles through

adolescence. Self-disclosure enhances emotional bonding. Consider adding a rule to your home. “It’s O.K. to make mistakes, that’s the way we learn!”

8. Express genuine love to your adolescent child. I believe that almost all behavior is either an expression of love, or a call for love. Adolescent children need you now more than any other time in their lives.

They need to know you love them unconditionally. Genuine love will take care of most of the inadequacy they experience. It is the most dynamic principle parents can ever use, and perhaps the super value of all values to model to our children! Occasionally, adolescence will resist even praise. Remember, adolescence’s inability to accept praise also indicates that they are unable to accept criticism. Even when they refuse your love, keep finding new ways to express it to them.