And We’re All Kids

As a former high school and middle level principal, I was constantly confronted by students and parents trying to cloud the line between right and wrong, between what was moral and immoral. Perhaps it is time to look at some morals for kids that may be applied at any age.

First, I would like to look at what morals are and how are they developed. Ernest Hemingway defines it this way: “What is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after.” The American Heritage Dictionary defines moral as concerned with the discernment or instruction of what is good and evil.

Lawrence Kohlberg, a noted Harvard psychologist, has looked at the stages of moral development and placed it in three levels. The first, Preconventional Ethics, takes place up to the age of 10. During this time children do not fully understand the rules set down by adults. The consequences of their actions determine whether it is good or bad. Children at this stage begin to look at the concepts of “What is in it for me?” Obeying rules and exchanging favors are judged in terms of the benefit to the individual.

The second level, known as Conventional Ethics, is based on conformity to the rules and conventions of society. Typically this is between the ages of 10-20 years. During this time a person will base decisions on concern for or the opinion of others. Rules and laws are obeyed for their own sake.

The last level, called Postconventional Ethics, is rarely reached before age 20 and then only by a small portion of the population. The focus is on the principles underlying society’s rules. Rules and laws represent agreements among people about behavior that benefits society. Finally, ethics are determined by abstract and general principles that transcend societal rules.

What does all this mean? I believe that we can determine that people develop morals from observing what others do. As will be stated later I do not believe children come into this world as little adults. They do however have the ability to watch and learn from those around them. While society relies on rules and laws, children learn from what they see and hear. Which brings me to my original proposal of morals for kids and remember, we are all still kids in some way.

Moral I: There Are Absolutes. Too often today there seems to be very little black and white. The shades of gray have worked their way into what we do and why we do it. I call these yeah buts. “Yeah, but you don’t know what they did to me.” “Yeah, but the other guy did it, too.” “Yeah, but it wasn’t as bad as some others.” The question that needs to be addressed is, is there a right or wrong? I believe there is. Some things are just wrong and the fact that someone else did the same thing or that you’re not as bad is irrelevant. It is still wrong. Kids need to understand that there are times when the issue is black and white. There are absolutes in life. When a person chooses to blur the line between right and wrong there are still consequences for their actions.

Deuteronomy 6:18 And thou shalt do that which is right.

Moral II: Listen More Than You Talk. A very wise man once told me that God gave each of us two ears and one mouth so we could listen twice as much as we talked. There are times when it is best just to sit back and listen to what is being said. People want to be heard. From the youngest of children to the oldest of adults we all want to be heard. We want people to understand that what we have to say is important. By taking the time to listen to someone we show respect, and you might just learn something.

Psalms 46:10 Be still and know that I am God.

Moral III: Forgive. I suppose that if we were all perfect forgiveness would not be important. But since we are not it is something we must all learn to do. If you live long enough you are going to be hurt by someone. You have two choices, you can hold on to it or you can let it go. Forgiveness is the act of letting it go. It does not mean that you condone what was done it just means you forgive the person. On the other side of forgiveness is understanding that we are forgivable. Too often in life we do something we believe we could never be forgiven for. The fact is we need to learn to accept forgiveness.

Matthew 6:12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

Moral IV: Model What You Want Others To Do. We learn by example. Children are not born to act as adults. God did not choose to have a new soul come into the world as a smaller version of an adult. Early in life we learn right and wrong from our parents. Later we may look at our teachers, government leaders, or sports heroes to demonstrate what is right and wrong. It is very easy to tell someone “Do as I say and not as I do.” What is important to remember is that kids today do pay attention to what we do more than what we say.

John 13:15 For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.

Moral V: Have A Little Faith. We need to have faith in something or someone. Faith can be described as a belief in something or a trust. Kids need to have something they can trust, a belief in something that is bigger than any one person. This faith may be grounded in the fact that their parents and teachers have their best interest at heart. It may be based on the trust of a best friend in whom they can share their inner most thoughts and feelings. This faith may also be grounded in a faith in one’s self. A belief that they can accomplish the task set before them. I can not imagine going through life without faith. A faith grounded in the love of my family and God. I believe that kids need to grow in faith.

Luke 17:5 And the apostles said unto the Lord, “Increase our faith!”

There are others that could be addressed but I believe that the example of what is moral can be found in this story taken from the book of Matthew: Jesus was approached by a lawyer who asked Him this question, “Master, which is the greatest commandment in the law?” Jesus replied, “Thou shall love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. And the second is like unto it, Thou shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

If we truly kept our relationship with God first in our lives and treated each other as we would like to be treated, children and adults would find that the issues of morality, right and wrong would fall into proper perspective.

Dr. Arnold is the Coordinator for Educational Administration at Southwest Baptist University in Bolivar, Missouri.

– Dr. Michael David Arnold