Dear son,

When I was a teenager I wished, just as you do now, that my dad could be my best friend. However, it wasn’t until my time to be a father came up, when I really understood why my wish would never come true. And it wasn’t that my dad didn’t want to be my best friend, except he understood that a real father could never be the best friend.

There are many reasons, but the most important one is the big difference between a friend’s role and father’s role. A friend is at the same level as yours since both of you share many things in common such as age, way of thinking, preferences, activities and pastimes. A father’s role is a lot more difficult but particularly more important for you. A father must provide his son constant love, daily economic subsistence and appropriate education within his means. He must also protect him physically and emotionally, give him emotional support and encouragement, guide him and always set a good example for him. But more importantly, he must instill in him ethical and moral values so he may become a more responsible, self sufficient, and compassionate human being.

A friend has a totally different influence than a father, therefore; a father who tries to be the best friend can’t be a real father. You may have plenty of friends, but only one father. To be a friend is voluntary, it’s an option. To be a father is a privilege, but above all, it’s a moral obligation. The only similarities between a father and a real friend are things like sharing activities suitable for your age, offering emotional support, discouraging the weaknesses in your character and encouraging your self-improvement.

A friend does not have any authority rights over you. However, as your father I do and it isn’t because it gives me great satisfaction to impose my authority, but because it’s my responsibility to discipline you. To set rules and make sure they are followed is a right that belongs to all parents and it’s earned when someone assumes total responsibility for a child. Authority and responsibility go together. You can’t demand freedom or authority without having responsibilities. As long as you live with your parents and depend on them for shelter, food, clothing, schooling, entertainment activities, etc., you must obey the rules we have set. My obligation as a father is to give you what you need and not necessarily what you want. Eventually you’ll become a self-sufficient adult and along with your wife you will also determine your own rules whenever you undertake the difficult task of forming your home.

When you were born, God gave me a blessing that has given me great happiness but at the same time, he gave me a mission that nobody else can perform and it is the most difficult and toughest a human being can receive. This mission is to be God’s instrument to show you the right path to follow. Some day, God will make me accountable for the fulfillment of this great and yet so noble and satisfying a commitment. As a father, my main purpose is not to gain popularity votes but to be a responsible father and strive, above all, for your moral development and well being. If I do a good job performing my duty, in time you’ll realize that these principles I’m trying to instill in you will be the best thing I can offer you as a father. Don’t ever forget that no matter what happens, I will always love you and I’ll be there for you to share your achievements and willing to help you overcome your failures. No matter how difficult it may be for you, always strive to be a better son, a better brother, a better husband and especially a better human being before God. Some day you’ll understand completely the great importance and deep meaning of this letter. On that day, you and I will start to develop a unique and profound bonding. When that day comes, you’ll never forget it for it will be one of the happiest days of your life. On that day so special, you’ll also receive a beautiful blessing and an extraordinary responsibility. It will be the day when you hold in your arms your first child. From that moment on you’ll also understand that more important than being your son’s friend, it is to be a real father.

– Sergio Ferreira