It is never too early to begin talking with our young people about personal

values and helping them define and develop their own code of moral conduct. As society’s moral guidelines become increasingly more ambiguous, it is essential that we all have our basic code of ethics well crystallized in our own minds. Just as body-building builds strong physical muscle through “sets” and “reps,” we also need to help our kids build good moral muscle. And we can do this by dialoguing with our kids about choices.

Life is all about choices. The choices we make determine not only our

character but also the quality of our life. As they say, practice makes

perfect and one way we can help our children is to help them practice or

rehearse what they would do in different situations before they are actually

confronted by those situations in real life.

Our ultimate objective is for our children to make their own choices–good

choices. And we can help them do this if we can get them THINKING and

TALKING about moral issues.

Choices are yours to make and live with!

Here are a few ideas and questions to facilitate such discussions:

“Honor” is an old-fashioned word. What does it mean and has it gone out of

style? One definition of honor is the ability to put morality before

expediency and to do this instinctively and every time. Ask your kids what

they think about this definition and then ask them for definitions and ideas

of their own.

We all need a “moral compass.” What does this mean to you? Do you have a “moral compass?” If so, how would you describe it?

How do you test the choices that you make? One good test is the test of

time. How will you feel about this choice a year from now? Five years from now?

Is your speech a reflection of your character? Is your speech different in

the locker room than it is at home or at church? Do you have more than one

language–a different language for different occasions?

What does “being cool” really mean to you?

How do you decide whether something is right or wrong? Is it just a question of whether anyone else will get hurt?

How important is winning? Does it really matter how we win?

Do you think that these days just about everyone cheats to get what they want?

Is it okay to make fun of someone else as long as all the other kids are

doing it?

How much is “trust” worth?

Do you think it is ever okay to break a promise?

Would you choose character over conformity? (This one will lead into some

great discussions about peer pressure).

Are problems necessarily bad? How can problems help us? This is a wonderful way to get into discussions about how solving problems is a skill that can be learned and how every problem we solve can make us stronger and more ready to face future problems.

These are just a few of the conversation-starters I use when I visit classes

to talk to students. You’ll have many ideas of your own which will suit the

needs of your particular kids. The important thing is to get our kids thinking

and talking. Strong moral character does not come instinctively. It is

learned.

Role-playing different hypothetical situations is also a wonderful way to let

the kids experiment with different choices and solutions for themselves, so

that they can actually “experience” the consequences of their various choices and get feedback from others as to how their choices affected them.

It’s also important when we are dialoguing with our kids, to listen to

them–really listen, so that we know where they are coming from. And we want them to feel comfortable checking things out and testing the waters during these discussions, so that they can share honestly with us because, in the end, we want the choices they make to truly be their choices and nobody else’s.

Hopefully, these discussions about moral choices will help our young people develop a sense of direction and purpose to their lives which will result in more rewarding and more fulfilling experiences not only for them but also for those whose lives may be touched by their choices and their actions.

One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is help in developing a

strong sense of self, so that they will not be unduly influenced by peer

pressure. To stand firm for what they believe, they will need strong

character and we can help them develop strong character by helping them

define their values and code of ethics when they are young, so that

regardless of what others around them do and say, they can act according to their own conscience–even if sometimes this may mean standing alone.

Our character is an integral part of who we are and having a strong set of

values helps us define our character. Having a strong value system also

helps us to have a strong sense of self, so that we can say: This is who I am

and this is what I believe.

And the stronger their character, the better for all of us.

Sandra Humphrey

Author of: If You Had to Choose, What Would You Do?

and It’s Up to You…What Do You Do?

And Coming Soon: How Would You Feel…What Would You Do?

and When Bad Things Happen, What Do You Do?

website: kidscandoit.com

e-mail: Sandra305@aol.com