10 Strategies

1. Be aware of each child and his or her means and methods of communication. Is

Suzette pulling on Thomas’ hair because she is frustrated with him, enjoying the

power to make him yell, or learning that hair is attached? Does she have words

to use? Is this the first time she has done this or the twelfth? This type of

information provides parents and caregivers with a better perspective toward helping

Suzette.

2. Know yourself and your own emotions. Adults have the same needs and feelings

as children do. Model healthy acceptance of the child’s emotional development

by acknowledging that we have similar feelings. It is important to remember

that a calm voice and reassuring manner can be effective tools in negotiating

with an upset or excited child.

3. Be authentic – that is honest, real, and nonjudgmental – in

adult-child interactions. Then children learn to trust and predict. When we

are respectful, children perceive that they are worthy of respect, as are others.

4. Validate feelings. It is OK for children to cry or be afraid or feel frustrated.

It may be beneficial to give labels to the emotions (for example, "Are

you feeling sad? Do you want to come and sit with me?" or "It looks

like you really want to use the toy that Darnell is using."). Often people

just want their frustrations to be acknowledged, their feelings accepted. By

encouraging children to express themselves verbally, we are also facilitating

language development.

5. Address the behavior, not the child, when a behavior occurs that is not

appropriate. For example, if a child is acting aggressively toward another child,

try statements such as, "Hitting hurts people. If you are angry with Christiana,

please talk to her." (This is preferable to "You’re being a bad girl.

You know not to hit!") Redirection is often helpful too (for instance,

"It is not safe to run in the classroom. Would you like to go outside and

run?").

6. Offer real choices whenever possible. Allowing children to make a choice

shows them respect and empowers them. "Do you want your diaper changed?"

is not a real choice. Instead, try "It’s time to change your diaper. Would

you like to choose your new diaper or should I?"

7. Give notice on upcoming transitions. By giving a five-minute warning before

cleanup time, you allow children to finish their play or make arrangements to

do so later. There is security and comfort in knowing what will be happening

next.

8. Explain rules clearly and concisely (several sentences are usually sufficient).

Again, young children find security in predictability; therefore, it is important

to have clear guidelines and as few rules as possible. Be prompt and consistent,

and follow through with consequences. When this is not possible, use individualized

consequences specific to the child and the situation.

9. Allow time for problem solving. This is a tricky area. It is difficult to

watch children struggle. Our first impulse is to "make it better"

and find the easiest solution. However, being supportive and allowing time for

the child to work things out to his or her satisfaction have many benefits.

Watch for the smile on a child’s face when he or she figures out how to put

together a puzzle or solves a social problem on his or her own! Learning and

self-confidence grow from moderately stressful situations – situations

that challenge a child but that she or he can handle. By observing individual

behavior, we learn when to intercede to prevent frustration or feelings of helplessness.

10. Acknowledge efforts and successes. Positive reinforcement can be very important

to a child. When you hear a child who often bites say instead, "I don’t

like that," a comment such as "Twyla! I heard you use your words"

can be very validating.

As challenging as this stage of development can be for toddlers and their caregivers,

it is also a time of delightful exploration and fascinated wonder. Language

is blossoming and friendships are blooming. Communication styles and negotiation

skills are an integral part of who we are. By facilitating and supporting this

process with toddlers, we are contributing to their social and emotional development

and well-being.

Patricia Nixon is the lead teacher of the infant/toddler classroom at the Children’s

Center at the University of California in Santa Barbara, California, E: trischi@silcom.com.

– Gene Bedley