Ideas for Resolving Conflicts

The National Network for Child Care recently published an article stating that “the United States is now the most violent country in the industrialized world, leading the world in homicides, rapes and assaults. Gun related violence takes the life of an American child every 3 hours and the lives of 25 children every 3 days. Before finishing elementary school, the average American child watches 8000 murders and 1,000,000 acts of violence on television.” Why do we live in a country with these kinds of statistics? I believe that part of the reason is that in our rush and hurried world, we often neglect to allow children the time to work out their conflicts. We tend to go for the quick fix, the pat solutions. We tell them how to fix things, rather than guiding them toward finding better solutions.

We can insist on classrooms that promote resolving conflicts in positive and productive ways. When we provide opportunities to work through conflicts, we are giving children lifelong learning tools to get along successfully in the world. According to Gene Bedley there are 5 ways people deal with conflict.

1. My Way

It can only be solved if it is exactly the way I need it to be solved. There is no interest in the variables, circumstances or alternatives.

2. No Way

This is the non-engagement response. Under no circumstance will I become involved in solving the conflict.

3. Your Way

This is the give in and go along with whatever you want, even if it means trampling my ideas and feelings.

4. Half Way

This is when you compromise and give in some of the time to resolve the conflict.

5. Our Way

This is when mutual goals are established and there is strong consideration for the relationship more than the conflict.

What if we were to discuss these 5 ways people deal with conflict openly with our students? Then put children in cooperative learning groups. Have each small group choose a slip of paper with a common problem listed. (Example: Your good friend refused to let you play on his/her kickball team and you’re angry and hurt) Discuss the problem and have the children role play one of the 5 ways of dealing with it. After all 5 ways are role played in front of the large group, discuss which ways seem to be the most beneficial and why. Ask questions like, “Which way allowed you to ventilate your feelings? Which role playing situation allowed you to really feel heard? Which situation encourages the most cooperation and why? How did it feel to be a part of the “My Way” role play? When do you think you might use the “Half Way” approach to solving problems? How do you feel when you use the “Your Way?”

Have an area with two “Talk it Over Chairs.” As conflicts come up, invite students to go to the chairs and dialogue. You may need a mediator who will see to it that each child has a chance to express their side of the story. (What Happened and How Did That Make You Feel?) Next, each child can explore ways to fix the problem. ( How Can You Fix This?) It’s important to invite the child who makes a poor choice look for more positive options. Last, invite them to come up with alternatives that may include: a . Plan b. Reminder c. Promise (What Will You Do Differently ?)

As Mahatma Gandhi said, ” As human beings our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world