Friday, February 24, 2006

By JENNIFER H. CUNNINGHAM

HERALD NEWS

Kiara Tanguis, a sixth-grader at Memorial School, said the bullying she’s endured is so hurtful that she dreads going to school every day.

“It’s hard to ignore them,” the bespectacled 11-year-old said at the Home and School meeting Tuesday night in the school library. “They call me ‘immigrant,’ and girls tell me, ‘You’re so ugly,’ ‘your clothes don’t match.'”

Kiara is one of nearly 6 million students involved in bullying either as a target, a bully, or both, according to the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center in Atlanta. In 2002, then-Gov. James E. McGreevey signed legislation that requires all New Jersey public schools to adopt anti-bullying policies at their schools.

At Memorial School, they’ve taken it one step further. Officials have created two anti-bullying programs and hired an anti-bullying educational consultant who works with teachers, parents and students on anti-bullying techniques.

“This was a minor problem, and we nipped it in the bud,” Principal Charles Silverstein said Thursday. “The moment a kid comes up to us with a problem, we act on it.”

Guidance counselor Kerry McGlane said students must fill out an application for a slot in the West Paterson Memorial School Leadership Program, which selects three or four students from each of the school’s 17 homerooms and trains them in conflict resolution, bullying prevention techniques, leadership skills and team building. In addition, the ‘Ambassadors of Kindness Program’ encourages students to befriend bullied students.

John Munro, a Harrington Park-based anti-bullying consultant, has been working with the students on bullying-prevention strategies during assemblies since the beginning of the school year. He said the best way to stem bullying is for children to befriend excluded students.

“We have to raise the level of civility in our kids,” he said. “No amount of preaching from adults is going to have an impact on the way children treat each other.”

Silverstein told parents that they, along with teachers, are the first line of defense when it comes to bullying.

“A lot of the problem is what we accept and don’t accept,” Silverstein told about 20 parents at the meeting. “We have to set the tone as adults.”

Stuart Green, a social worker and founder of the New Jersey Coalition for Bullying Awareness, said that bullying occurs when schools don’t adequately address the issue.

“Kids get the message that bullying is a normal part of being a child, and that it’s inevitable, and OK,” he said in a phone interview Tuesday.

Green said bullying reaches its peak during middle school, and is the most common serious problem school-age children have.

Munro told parents that children are often afraid to tell adults about being bullied because they think the bully would seek vengeance. The National Education Association estimated that by sixth grade, only 5 percent of children tell someone if they are being bullied.

“Kids don’t tell us when they’re being bullied,” Munro said. “We have to show them the difference between ratting and reporting.”

Barbara Jaeger agreed. She said her daughter Melissa, who attends fifth grade at the school, often doesn’t tell her what is going on in her life.

“She seems fine, but they’re at that age when they don’t tell you things,” she said Tuesday.

Kiara, who reported her bullying to her mother, said she didn’t tell teachers because she is afraid the bullies would try to get “revenge.”

“I tell my mom, but I tell her to keep it a secret,” she said.

Kiara said one of the benefits of joining West Paterson Leadership Program is the opportunity to make new friends.

“I think it’s great,” she said. “I’m looking forward to it.”

– Jennifer H. Cunningham