Do your kids need

a crash course before

the holidays?

With all the parties and family gatherings this time of year,

adults and children will soon be required to exhibit their best

manners. But many parents will discover during the coming

weeks that someone forgot to teach their children how to behave

in public.

Teachers with thirty years or more experience tell me that

today’s child is, in general, much less respectful and much less

mannerly than the typical child of a generation ago.

Unfortunately, unless children learn respect for

others-beginning with adults-they can never learn to respect

themselves.

Manners and respect are inseparable. Children begin developing

respect for others by first developing it for their parents.

Children should be taught to behave in mannerly ways toward

their parents. That means children should not be allowed to call

their parents (or any adult for that matter) by their first names,

to interrupt adult conversations unless in crisis, or-beyond age

three-to throw tantrums when they don’t get their way. I’ll even

go so far as to recommend that children be taught to respond to

all adults, including their parents, with “Yes, Sir” and “Yes,

Ma’am.” When adults speak, children should pay attention; and

when adults give instructions, children should carry them out.

It’s as simple as that.

Try these tips for teaching good manners, not just at holiday

time, but the whole year through.

Work on one thing at a time. If you try to teach too many social

skills at once, you will end up teaching none of them well.

Instead, teach table manners first, for example. When those have

been learned, advance to phone manners, and so on.

Praise your children for their successes. When your kids display

proper manners at home or in public, give them immediate

positive feedback. It’s more critical that you do this during the

early “learning phase” of manners instruction, but even older

children need to occasionally hear how proud you are of their

social deportment.

Be tolerant of your children’s lapses, but do not overlook them.

Children will make mistakes. The more patient you are, the more

progress they will ultimately make. Under no circumstances

should you reprimand a child’s social errors in public, although

firm reminders may at times be in order. Remember that

children want to please adults and that it’s easier to catch the

proverbial fly with honey than with vinegar.

When it’s obvious that your child has forgotten a certain social

ritual, give a prompt. If, for example, your child forgets to extend

his or her hand upon meeting an adult, quietly ask, “What are we

supposed to do when we meet someone older than ourselves?”

That gives the child the opportunity to do the right thing

without feeling he or she is being criticized.

Last, but not least, set a good example. A “do as I say, not as I do”

approach to manners simply won’t work. Your children must see

you setting a good example when it comes to manners. And by

the way, manners are not a one-way street. If you want your

children to behave in a mannerly way toward you, then you

must behave in a mannerly way toward them as well.

– John Rosemond