A veteran kindergarten teacher on what she’s learned: Vivian Paley never

misses the opportunity to tell the tale of Teddy. She was visiting a London

preschool when some kids from a nearby school for the severely disabled came

to visit. Teddy was pushed into the classroom in a wheelchair, his head

protected by a padded helmet, his limbs twitching. Paley watched in wonder as

the small children incorporated Teddy – who had trouble speaking more than a

word at a time – into their play. To Paley, 70, a longtime Chicago

kindergarten teacher and the winner of a MacArthur Fellowship for her

writing about children, that moment inspired an insightful new book,

“The Kindness of Children”. In an interview with NEWSWEEK’s Pat Wingert,

Paley talked about how adults can nurture empathy.

WINGERT: Do you think children are always ready to be kind?

PALEY: Yes, even when they’re in a snit. You may have to wait a little and not

push. But out of the side of their eye they may see someone, maybe even the

child they were fighting with, with a trembling lip, and their eyes filling,

and something says to them: “Stop. Do something nice now. This has gone too

far.” I believe children are always on the edge of committing an act of

kindness, always ready to go in that direction.

WINGERT: By sharing stories of kindness, can we inspire children?

PALEY: When children hear a story about kindness, they are very moved. From

our

earliest school years, we know all we need to know about hurt feelings and how

to help someone salvage hurt feelings.

WINGERT: When does the earliest kindness appear in children?

PALEY: Even very young children are moved when they see a baby or a friend

crying, and they’ll go pull their teacher to help. No one has taught this.

No one has said to these 18-month-olds, “If you see any human being

struggling or

suffering, call me right away.”

WINGERT: Do you think young children are naturally more accepting than

older children or adults?

PALEY: Absolutely. I’ve never seen a young child be anything other than very

interested in what other children look like, do, say, how they behave –

they’re fascinated. They have a tremendous, almost scientific interest in each

other.

WINGERT: Is that why you’ve become such an advocate of diversity?

PALEY: When children with problems come into a regular classroom, there are

more opportunities for children and teachers to show kindness. Acting out

kindness makes us realize what we’re capable of. It feels good to be in

power, but it feels terrific to see yourself as the giver of kindness.

WINGERT: You say play helps children create a “new life for a wandering

soul.” What do you mean?

PALEY: The lonely child only lacks a role to play because play is the language

of children. Play is a story. We don’t hear the story when kids are in the

sandbox, but we could almost write the story from the noises we hear coming

out of it. Play was a brilliant invention of whoever created mankind.

WINGERT: You say loneliness is the major struggle when children first enter

school. Does that experience foster empathy?

PALEY: Every child knows loneliness. But because I have been lonely, do I

recognize the plight of others who are lonely? That’s more subtle, and

that’s where the artistry comes in, where the modeling comes in. I can’t

imagine a greater source of satisfaction for a teacher.

WINGERT: How do you help children who don’t know how to play?

PALEY: If I saw a child running through the blocks like a whirlwind and

knocking

everything down, I would ask the child to sit with me and watch others who

find it easy to play well with others. The class then becomes a kind of

laboratory where you can point out what works.

WINGERT: How does the kindness of children inspire us as adults?

PALEY: It gives me joy as a teacher to be a witness to these things. It

gives me the strength to deal with that other side of life, when people are

wounded and

discouraged.

– Newsweek, March 22, 1999