Here is a method that is guaranteed to eliminate whining in your family. It has worked with three of my kids, and it will work with yours. I have found it effective with any child, from age 1 to 20 (and beyond!).

First, we must look at what whining is: It is your kid figuring out that if they ask for something in a really annoying way, you are more likely to cave in and give them what they want. I’m not sure how kids hit upon this strategy, but it seems that every kid tries it at some point.

Amazingly, for a lot of kids whining is the magic key that opens any and all doors. Want to stay up later? Whine! Mom will agree in about six seconds, if by doing so she can get you to turn off the whine. Want to eat some unhealthy snack, even though you didn’t finish your nutritious dinner? Just whine for several minutes, and Dad will forget all about that rule!

Millions of parents allow themselves to be manipulated by the pulsating, drilling sound of whining, driving deeper and deeper into their heads until they just can’t stand it any longer.

It even works more quickly in public. We’ve all seen the annoying child whining in the store until he or she gets that snack food they crave, or that toy that they simply must have. It doesn’t usually take long.

Well, I’ve got news for those millions of parents. You can stop that nonsense in an incredibly short time. Here’s the secret: If the whining stops working, your child will almost immediately drop the annoying tactic, and you would seldom hear it again.

So, make it not work. Show them clearly that the whining does not profit them in any way, and they will stop. Whining will not cause rules to be discarded or changed. Whining will not postpone bedtime. It will not get them a toy or a candy bar at the store. It will do nothing at all for them, so they will quickly decide that it’s a waste of time.

With my kids, whenever a whiny statement or question starts to emerge, I very matter-of-factly say, “I don’t know what language you’re speaking, but it doesn’t sound like English. I can’t understand a word of it.” After that, I will respond to normal speech, but ignore anything whiny as if it wasn’t even uttered. (This same technique works with a two-year-old or a teenager.)

The child quickly realizes that if they want their case to be heard, they must speak normally and sensibly. They learn a valuable life lesson at the same time: If you want people to respect you and listen to what you have to say, then you must respect them, and speak to them maturely and sensibly.

It seems simple, but I can tell you from years of experience that this works wonderfully. Refuse to treat whining as a valid form of communication, and your child WILL find other (less annoying) ways to communicate.

It will cause your four-year-old to think of and express logical reasons that they should be allowed to stay up later or eat that special snack (it’s a special occasion, it’s a weekend night). It will cause your teenager to approach you calmly and logically to discuss a curfew extension, instead of trying to annoy you into submission. You may still disagree with what the child wants, but you will be discussing the matter, not giving in to manipulation.

It will even work wonders if you happen to be around a friend’s child, relatives at family get-togethers, or in other situations that cause you to be subjected to whining from kids you don’t know as well as your own children.

You’ll find that even a child you hardly know will learn very quickly that you are immune to whining. When that happens, the next thing you usually notice is that the same child will use their whining voice on their parents, but speak normally to you! They can turn it off and on at will, in an instant! This proves beyond any doubt that the tactic is used only when and where it works. So don’t let it work, and you will eliminate it.

Good luck!

– Thorin