The Lives and Legacies of Everyday Heroes

Every one of our children needs to know how the world is organized; each

needs principles to guide his or her actions. They need to know what is

right and what is wrong, what makes the good guys good and the bad ones

bad. They need stars to steer by. And those are the ethics we impart

and the messages we give about what matters in life. In the end, those

lessons will enrich their lives far more than gymnastics, piano, or the

very latest computer.

The exhortations to get our kids back on the ethical track may well be

pointing the finger of blame in the wrong direction. It’s easy to

believe the kids are the problem, that they ought to be the focus of our

busy efforts. Doing so absolves us adults implicitly, but maybe we

don’t deserve such an easy absolution.

The fact is that children do not learn values by hearing Barney sing

about sharing and being nice to animals or listening to our clumsy

efforts to read them morality tales disguised as bedtime stories. Sure,

these are good reinforcements: Aesop’s Fables have had quite a shelf

life. In reality though, children have always gotten their real

education in ethics from watching how the adults in their lives behave.

They do as we do, not as we say. As one psychologist described the

process, they swallow us whole and take us inside.

– Mark J. Britzman, Ed.D.