Perhaps we should get one thing clear before I continue. This is not an article about six adults rapidly approaching middle age while trying to hold on to their twenties. Instead I would like to look at the important role friends play in our lives by telling you about four friends of my youth. I hope you will be able to draw out the characteristics that drew me to them and help you, as a parent, look for these characteristics in your children’s friends.

A friend is a person who knows all about you and still likes you. It is someone whose council you seek when you are troubled. It is the person you turn to when you are in trouble and seek out when you have good news. Sounds like a pretty important person in one’s life. The fact is we all have people like this in our lives. Some are from our youth and some are from our adult life.

High school was a wonderful time in my life. May 14, 1976 was the day I graduated from Warrensburg High School. Although I promised to stay close to everyone in my class of 154, today I keep in contact with four. If these four people ever needed me I would do everything I could to be there for them.

First there is Micki. The fact that I was called Mickey in high school probably had a lot to do with us becoming friends. Micki was the homecoming queen, cheerleader, and the girl everyone wanted to date in high school. To me though she was just Micki, my friend. There wasn’t anything we could not talk about. I was there for her and she was there for me. We have seen each other through some very low times in our lives and been there for some of the highs. Micki is a very successful businesswoman living in New Mexico. We exchange Christmas cards, pictures of each other’s kids and see each other at class reunions, but if she ever needed me to be there, I would.

Bruce is an attorney and world traveler these days. Bruce and I go back to junior high school. We just lived a block or two from each other and would walk to school. We were in Boy Scouts together, school choirs, and spent time in each other’s home. There are many things I remember about Bruce but the one that stands out is that he was always late. Nothing seemed to bother Bruce whether it was grades, getting ready for a race or getting to an appointment on time. Yes, you read that right, Bruce was a runner. As a matter of fact, Bruce was very good. He put more miles on a pair of running shoes than I did on a set of tires.

If you are as old as I am you will remember the 600-yard run as part of the Presidential Physical Fitness Test. Bruce had trouble with this; in fact I finished ahead of him. I remember this fact because it never happened again. Bruce taught me that you could do anything if you put your mind to it. Bruce put his mind, and body, into running and became one of the best in school. If Bruce ever needed me, I would be there for him.

John is a minister. John is not working as a minister at this time, but he is a minister none the less. John introduced me to Motown. Groups like the Chi-lites, Tavaras, Earth, Wind and Fire became part of my music library because of John. I still pop in a tape while I am on the road and sing along.

John was the first student I remember really making a stand for something important to him. It happened during our high school production of “Ten Little Indians” by Agatha Christie. John’s character had some lines that he felt inappropriate. Instead of going with the flow, John changed the words. Nobody batted an eyelash. John said he wasn’t going to use that language and he didn’t. I guess I knew right then that John would be a minister. Someday I am going to walk into John’s new church, sit down and start singing. If John ever needed me, I would be there for him.

David is a Lieutenant Colonel in the United States Army. He is a true officer and a gentleman. He was a leader in school and he still is a leader as an adult. David and I had a unique relationship. I think it began with athletics, moved to music, and ended up with girls. David was the quarterback, played basketball, ran track, played the violin and sang. He was the All-American Boy.

As I said, David was the quarterback and I was the center. It was my job to protect him. I guess he is protecting me now. I do remember an incident when instead of protecting him I hurt him. Our coach had this brilliant plan in which I would snap the ball between David’s legs to the halfback. This masterful plan of deception would have worked except for the fact that the ball didn’t make it through David’s legs. There was no deception, only pain as he rolled on the ground to the occasional snicker from the rest of the team.

Music was not quite as painful. It was, however, a little different to see football players singing and acting in plays. Even stranger was the sight of the two of us wearing kilts in the school musical “Brigadoon”.

David and I even dated best friends at one time. Neither relationship lasted very long, but it was a time in our lives when we spent time together. David and I keep in contact through email and class reunions, but if David ever needed me I would be there.

These four taught me what friendship was. We laughed together, cried a little, and spent a very important time of our lives together. The attributes that I learned from these four individuals became the standards I looked for in my children’s friends. I learned how to listen from Micki. Not just to words, but to what you are feeling. Friends teach you. It may be patience, as was the case with Bruce, it may be how to laugh, or it may be a life lesson. Friends are examples. I learned it was okay to stand up for what I believed in from John, to follow your dreams from Bruce and to never settle for second best from David.

I hope these thoughts help them to understand how important they are to me and how much they are still part of my life even if miles separate us. I also hope parents can find these attributes in their children’s friends. I will close with a verse from Proverbs. Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

Dr. Arnold is the Coordinator for Educational Administration at Southwest Baptist University in Bolivar, Missouri.

– Michael David Arnold, Ed.D.