Taking Multiple Perspectives
Developing A Win-Win Situation
Raymond Soh
Staff Psychologist
Department of Human Resources and Staff Development
Temasek Polytechnic
Singapore
Consultant Psychologist
Total Wellness Center
Adam Road Hospital
Singapore
March 1998
I was having lunch with a colleague one day when he popped me this question:
“Tell me, how can you be less biased of someone who annoys you?” “Well, you need to be able to take first, second and third
positions…” I said. “Say what? What has baseball got to do with overcoming my negative prejudices?” my colleague queried.
I am glad he asked that question. Understanding people is like taking different positions in a baseball game. Each position has a different angle or twist to the game. To complete a home run, you need to cover all the bases. To get along with people, you need to cover as many bases as possible. John Grinder and Judith DeLozier, co-developers of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) developed a technique to help people take different perspectives so that they can have a variety of insights to the situation that will increase the probability of a win-win situation.
First Position
Here I see the world based on my feelings, wants and values. Expressions such as “I see”, “I want you to…”, “I feel that…” are
indicators of someone in first position. This position is important because we express what is most important to us, our philosophy of the world, and our expectations.
Too much of the first position, however, makes us arrogant. The sound of the first part of the word “arrogant”, “air”, refers to someone who is so full of air that he or she is so puffed up -someone who is so full of oneself that others don’t matter. The fact of the matter is other people do matter in life.
Second Position
Have you ever had the clumsy experience of putting on someone else’s glasses instead of yours? This happened to me once and I thought I was becoming blind! Taking second position is like putting on someone else’s lenses. What a different world it is! You see the world from the other person’s eyes; you hear through his ears; you feel what he is experiencing.
Being in second position is a key step in developing an empathetic understanding of someone else. You can’t understand someone unless you are “putting on their lenses”.
Too much of second position, however, means that you are not assertive enough. All the time you are considering the needs of the other person to the exclusion of what is important to you. You feel very guilty if you confront the person and you are afraid of conflicts.
Third Position
Here you are like a coach in front of your team. You analyze how your team has played. You observe the synergy (or lack of) between the team players. You have objective insights on the play and the players. This position is important because we reflect on the dynamic relationship between ourselves and the other personSecondary Schools. We take a detached view of this interaction and consider the flow of energy which is not possible from first or second position.
One caution though. Excessive use of third position makes us stoic and too removed from the emotions of others. Life can become too mechanical – a checklist of objectives and strategies where emotions are not acknowledged.
Developing a win-win situation
Most self-help psychology and management books talk about a win-win situation. Unfortunately, typical of these books, they don’t tell you how to do it! (You now have the wisdom without the strategy and that’s a win-lose situation!). However, I recommend that you use the “Multiple Perspective” technique to get a balanced view of the situation before you actually approach the other person.
Here’s the technique:
1. Identify the issue. This technique works for a variety of issues, namely, preparing yourself for the dreaded appraisal meeting, dealing with a difficult student or colleague, or proposing a new project with your colleague. In fact this technique is extremely useful whenever you have to deal with another human being! Let’s say that you are trying to get along with a difficult colleague (yes that’s the one I am talking about – he has been objecting to all your suggestions during the past three meetings). You are about to
lash out at him at the meeting next Monday. This would be a great time to use the “Multiple Perspective” technique.
2. Mark out three circles either using mats or just visualizing circles. Be creative. I recommend that you do this at home or, if you
are the outdoor type, go to a quiet park. Name each circle “First Position” “Second Position” and “Third Position” respectively.
3. Step into “First position”. Ask yourself the following questions:
* What are my values?
* What are my expectations?
* What are plans?
4. Break state. Shrug off the emotions in “First Position”. Take a deep breath. You also can spell your grand-dad’s name backwards to disassociate yourself from “First Position”.
5. Go into “Second Position”. Remember you are now that person. You have put on the other person’s lenses. If you cannot get yourself into this position, do not panic. This is quite normal. Take a couple of deep breaths and close your eyes. Some people find it better to imagine themselves standing right behind the other person and looking over their shoulder. From that position, how do you see, hear or feel? Consider the following questions:
* What are the other person’s values?
* What are the other person’s expectations?
* What are the other person’s plans?
6. Break state again. Take a deep breath and shake off the feelings of the “Second Position”. Go ahead literally shrug it off. This time say your social security number backwards.
7. Get into “Third Position”. Remember you are the coach. Make sure that circle C is equidistant from A and B. From where you are, you are observing yourself interacting with the other person. Reflect on the following questions:
* What am I doing in circle A that could be triggering a (negative) response from the other person?
* What is the other person doing that could be triggering a (negative) response from me?
* How would a neutral person describe this interaction?
8. Jot down insights from all positions and develop action plans based on all the insights from each position.
Doing this activity has helped me consider different perspectives in difficult or new situations. I then go into a situation having thought
through my own goals as well as anticipating some of the needs of the other person.
Try it, it works!
– Raymond Soh