The Big "R" Responsibility
The word responsibility is as pervasive a word as one can find. There isn’t a magazine, newspaper or TV program that doesn’t include the word – from fiscal responsibility to legal responsibility – from personal
responsibility to social responsibility. It’s either parents’ responsibility or a child’s responsibility, your responsibility or my responsibility. People take full responsibility, partial responsibility , shared responsibility, or no responsibility. Life can be defined as a series of responsibilities toward God, self and others, lived out in the context of relationships.
Responsibility is like a bridled horse with the reins held lightly! The major issue facing adults in the training of children is how tight or loose the reins need to be in order to satisfy control needs while at the same time focusing on the major aspect of discipline “Responsibility”.
Often, control of youth becomes not only the end, but also the entire focus of discipline. If the focus of discipline is simply on fulfilling adult control needs, we may never train our children to become
responsible. The final test is what children do when they are outside an adult’s influence, not what they do when adults are around. Too often adults merely become a traffic light or speed bump for children instead of providing training, insight and encouragement that enables children to accept responsibility for their actions.
Since behavior is maintained by it’s consequences, we must help children realize that responsibility pays off. Children who are responsible at home are taught that responsibility pays off with more privileges, ie
staying out later, going further away from home, or receiving a drivers license.
Children who are responsible at school can be given special privileges. The question is, “Do children get more attention for being responsible or for being irresponsible?”
Healthy relationships and positive discipline include clear, concise rules and expectations. Adults win when they bring attention to responsible behavior. Children learn responsibility best when they are
called upon to be responsible. It is then, and only then, that they learn the cause and effect of their behavior. In the end, those who demonstrate responsible behavior recognize and acknowledge responsibility for everything they do. Responsibility gives children freedom, friends, and a forever!
Responsibility finds a way, while irresponsibility finds excuses. Adults who encourage and recognize responsible behavior create a purpose by focusing on finding a way, not excuses. Environments that are overly restrictive or overly permissive do not create responsible behavior, but rather create dependence and game playing. Discipline is like holding a wet bar of soap. If you squeeze too tightly it will propel itself away (overly restrictive) If you squeeze lightly enough it will fall from your hand (ie overly permissive). If you grasp it firmly but gently, it will serve the purpose for which it was designed (training for responsible behavior).
There are no quick fixes in training and guiding children to become responsible. It takes a strong commitment to the task by all concerned, and it takes time. All children can become responsible. There are four major elements that enable children to develop responsible behavior. All four elements are essential if children are to become more autonomous and accountable. Training for responsible behavior includes, children attitude, knowledge, practice and adults providing feedback.
Responsible Behavior = Attitude + Knowledge + Practice + Feedback
The critical attribute is attitude. Attitude is fundamental in achieving responsible behavior and can be positive or negative. If a child’s attitude is positive, accompanied by knowledge and practice of behavior, and the child receives frequent and specific feedback through praise and encouragement, then responsible behavior will be achieved.